Auto Sales and Entrails
by Deathglider003
Summary: The ordinary life of Morris the auto salesman. Constant BS for the citizens of Roanapur. Sometimes a man just needs a break from Roanapur.


Morris is a simple man in a corrupt big city. He's polite to people that wouldn't hesitate to kill him in an instant. He does his job thoroughly and unknowingly to most people that live in Roanapur he is the man that everyone needs; he is the used car salesman. He supplies all sedans of various types to the crime lords, Jeeps and trucks to the mercenaries and thugs of the city, and most all he runs the store that handles all the renting of personal vehicles to the guests of the Roanapur. His store is located on the outskirts of town. To be precise it's about three miles down the road of the Church of Violence AKA The Rip off Church. He runs his shop with his buddy, an Australian mechanic named Ollie. Morris lives in the back of his shop; a one bedroom, one bathroom piece of shit house. These two men pretty much deal with most of the bullshit Roanapur can throw and sometimes a day off is what everyone needs, this is his story.

As the light of the early morning sun came up over the South Pacific Ocean its' rays of light beamed through the rundown slats of the shutters that were attached to Morris's worthless shack. Morris could feel the warm ray's piercing through his eyelids beckoning to get up and start his day. He rose from his three legged military surplus cot which he likes to call his bed. Rubbing his eyes, he yawned and stretched out his arms in exhaustion. He walked out of his room and into the kitchen running through the daily routine of turning on the current news of Roanapur, getting his coffee ready, and tossing a heavy bucket of ice water onto his roommate Ollie.

"Wake your ass up," Morris said drenching Ollie with the water.

"Holy shit!" Ollie yelped as he leaped from the couch. "That water seems to get colder and colder every time you do that. Why can't you ever wake me up like a normal person?" he asked.

"Last time I tried you had a fit and socked me in the eye, I don't need that again. Besides if we have a shitty day at least I had some type of fun and I get to look forward to doing that to you the next day," Morris said grinning.

"Tch, whatever you say mate," Ollie said as he went to the bathroom.

Morris gazed out the kitchen window to his used car lot. Upon looking over the lot he remembered that today was shipment day. _"A new batch of sedans and jeeps come in today"_ he thought. He was startled as the buzzer rang on the coffee machine. He poured himself some black coffee and headed to the front door to get the morning paper. He opened the door to only be startled again by the Taiwanese slayer, Shenhua.

"Hi, hi did I startle you?" She asked

"Why are you here Shenhua? You know we don't open for another two hours, what could you possibly need from me at this time of day?" Morris asked reaching for the paper.

"Me very sorry, but I need a fast car right now," She said looking into his house.

"Are you buy or renting?" he asked.

"Um…" she said with a look of hesitation on her face.

"New policy states that if the car you rent doesn't come back with an engine working properly and all four tires attached then you bought the car," He said sipping his coffee.

"What? What this new policy you talk about?" Shenhua inquired.

"Yeah, I can't have everyone dropping off my cars any more that no longer work. Ollie and I spend too much on parts alone trying to fix them. It's nothing personal, it's just business," He said walking back into his house "Come on in Shenhua, because I highly doubt you even have the paperwork ready,"

"You very quick for used car salesman," she said wandering into his house. "You ever think about getting some real furniture?" she asked.

"What are you a fucking interior decorator now?" He snarled. "Here," he said tossing a set of pink papers onto his coffee table. "Initial at the bottom and I need your signature on the last two pages," He said turning off the television. "What is this?" Shenhua asked. "Too many fucking questions, look you want to use my cars you sign the papers got it?" He said. "Fine, fine, don't bite my head off" she said signing the papers. "You real asshole this morning Morris; you lucky I don't spilt you into two over this bullshit," Shenhua said finishing up. "Yeah whatever" he said putting his coffee back on the table. "Here you go," he said throwing her a set of keys. "Black Mercedes, right hand side. Leave the money on the table. Oh yeah and remember you break it, you bought it," He said walking back to his room. Shenhua dropped the sack of money on his table and went outside to the Black Mercedes and peeled out of the lot._ "Today is going to be another fucked up day"_ he thought as he banged on the bathroom door trying to get Ollie out.

Ollie got of the bathroom drying his hair. Steam poured out of the bathroom and scent of Zest soap filled the air. "Did you use my fucking soap again you Wallaby fucker?" Morris asked."Aye, sorry mate but you know the saying 'You're not full clean until your Zest fully clean,'" he said laughing out the door into the living room. Morris looked around the bathroom and saw pubic hair on the soap and urine on the toilet seat. He wanted to bitch at Ollie more but he knew it wouldn't make much of a difference. He hopped into the shower and finished getting ready for the rest of the day.

It was 9am as Ollie turned on the neon sign flashing open. He casually walked over to the garage and had a smoke as he waited for the shipment to arrive. As he was puffing on his cigarette he could see a large truck coming down the road. It was the shipment and surprising it was on time. The truck pulled into the lot. A large man stepped out. He was wearing a beat up pair of jeans and plain white shirt that had yellow sweat stains under the armpits. This man had a trucker's hat on with some beat up aviators covering his eyes. He lifted up his hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his t-shirt.

"Oooweee it's hotter than a Texas barbeque on the fourth of July out here," he said walking over to Ollie. "How you Asian cats live like this. I mean I'm use to heat but this humidity is killing me," he said as he put some chew into his mouth. "So you must be Morris right?" He asked. "No, mate, I'm Ollie the mechanic," Ollie said finishing up his cigarette. "Well boy you better go on and get your boss for me so he can sign off for these cars," He said spitting on to the ground. Ollie strolled over to the office where Morris was. "Oi, Morris, remember the Alamo wants you to sign off for the cars. I don't think you want to keep him waiting either, he may just set up his trailer park here and stay indefinitely," Ollie yelled. "What the hell did you say bout' me boy?" the trucker called out. Ollie looked back to him grinning and moved on into the office. Morris just glared at Ollie as he came inside. "Why must you do that to all the truckers that come here Ollie? One of these days a trucker is going to shoot you in the back or something," Morris said finishing stocking the new policy papers. "I'm just having a wee bit of fun at the cost of his expense. No harm no foul," Ollie said hopping up onto the counter. "Look head to the garage and finish up that deuce transport truck alright? I'll deal with Yosemite Sam," Morris said heading outside. "Aye, Aye Captain" Ollie said pretending to salute Morris.

Morris walked on over to truck driver and looked him over. "What happen to our regular guy?" Morris asked. "Oh you mean Roger, right? That boy done gone and got his ass sick; probably from drinking this here water or something," he said scratching his head. Morris just looked at the trucker and shrugged off what he said. He took a look at the vehicles. They were in tip top shape for the most part. There were a few minor scratches here and there but nothing too devastating. He walked back to the trucker and signed off for the vehicles. "Are you going to help me unload these cars?" Morris asked. "I hadn't plan on it but I got some time to spend before I head back on up the station, sure I don't see why not," he said pulling up his pants. "Do you have a name?" Morris inquired. "Yeah, it's Jack," the trucker said pulling down the lever for the car ramp. The two unloaded the cars which took about up to an hour or so. It was around 10:15am that their second customer arrived; it was Boris from Hotel Moscow.

"Boris so good to see you so soon, how's business these days for Hotel Moscow?" Morris asked as he shook Boris's hand.

"It can be better but business seems slow this week. The Lagoon Crew is out of town and finding a proper delivery crew seems damn near impossible," Boris said.

"That's rough, so what can I do for you today?"

"Ms. Balalaika needs two Town Cars and a Range Rover for this evening. Do you have any available?"

"We do have those available. Does the color matter?" Morris asked.

"We prefer black but any color doesn't matter as long as it's not too flashy," Boris mentioned.

"Of course," Morris said as he went to the office and hand him the keys. Boris took a look around the lot checking out the new cars. Morris came outside with keys in hand along with the new policy papers. Boris signed the papers without a fuss and got the keys from Morris. "We'll pick up the cars later this evening" Boris said walking back to his car. He got in and drove off back into the city. It wasn't soon after Boris left that another customer dropped on by, this time it was Rowen. Morris never really liked dealing with Rowen. He always had a tendency to leave to much leftovers of the party on the seats of the cars.

"Hey Morris, it's been along time. How the hell are you?" Rowen said with a big grin on his face.

"Same old bullshit Rowen" Morris said obnoxiously. "What do you want THIS time?" Morris asked.

"Oh man, don't tell me you're still angry about the last few cars I rented," he said laughing.

"It's not funny Rowen. Those stains wouldn't get out and to top it off the car's smelled like you had an orgy in them," Morris said raising his voice.

"Take it easy man, I paid you for the stains and the smell eventually got out so I don't see why you're still angry. It seems you're just acting like a dick because you weren't the one getting any pussy that night. When was the last time you got some any how?" Rowen asked as he continued to laugh. "Must been awhile then huh?"

"That is none of your fucking business Rowen. I'm mad at the fact that the stains took longer to get out than I thought and I missed out on customers that wanted to use those cars. If you're going to rent from me at least be kind enough to not cum on interior and for Christ sake lower the window if another orgy breaks out in the car" Morris said cooling down.

"Alright, alright man I hear you. So I need to rent a white van from you. One of my clients wants to take one of the girls tonight and act like he's kidnapping her then rapes her," Rowen said as he walked with Morris to the garage where Ollie was.

"I don't need to know the details Rowen but I do need you to sign the new policy we have,"

"What new policy?" Rowen asked raising his eyebrows.

"The new policy that states basically if you break it you bought it," Morris said.

"Is there stain coverage?" Rowen asked laughing hysterically.

"Yes, you smart ass," Morris said angrily as he went into the garage to find a van for him. "Ollie, move the 'creep' out of the shed for me" Morris hollered. "Why is it called the creep man?" Rowen asked. "You'll see," Morris said. Ollie drove out in a white fan with fully tinted windows. "This van is primarily used for stakeouts but I think it will suit your clients taste," Morris said. "Wow I didn't know you rolled like this Morris. Is this the van you take to stake out elementary schools with?" Rowen asked. Morris had it with the bantering back and forth. That was the last straw with Rowen. "Look you sick piece of shit. Sign the papers, give me the money, and get the fuck out of my face!" Morris shouted. "Damn man chill out, I was just joking with you…" Rowen was interrupted by Morris "Look I don't care, I'm sick of your shit. Get the van and leave before I do something I regret," Morris said as he picked up a tire iron and gripped in firmly within his fist. "Alright man, I'm out of here. Yo, Ollie tell your buddy to chill the fuck out," Rowen said as he got into the creep and drove off. "SHIT!" Morris said as he spun around and threw the tire iron and the wall.

Morris stormed off into the office and sat down at his desk while Ollie finished up the transport truck. Morris cooled off in the office for awhile and took an Aspirin for his raging headache he had. Ollie came into the office and hopped back on the counter and looked at Morris. He was sweating profusely and didn't look well. "Oi, mate you ok? You don't look so hot," Ollie asked. "No one respects us here man? I mean we are a vital role here Roanapur. Without us where would they get their cars from? Huh, where would they?" Morris asked rhetorically. "No where, that's where," Ollie said getting up from his desk. "Morris, you know what you need?" Ollie asked. Morris just looked at him waiting for answer. "A day off, you work damn hard for this shitty town when really it doesn't really need that much effort. Go to a strip club, get laid, get drunk, go do something that will take your mind off this mindless robot routine," Ollie said convincingly. "What about the cars? They can't sell themselves Ollie," Morris said gazing out towards the lot. "Look I can handle it from here on out. It's not that hard. Have them sign the policy, accept the payment, and give them the keys. It's a simple task, a chimp could do it," Ollie said. "Alright Ollie I'm going to get some rest before I go out," Morris said patting Ollie on the shoulder as he walked into the back to house to rest up for the rest of the day.

[5hrs later, 5:25pm]

Morris woke up and took a look at the clock and saw what time it was. He remembered that Boris was going to stop by and pick up the cars around this time. Morris got up and got ready. He threw on a nice dress shirt with some slacks and a decent pair of shoes followed by a black tie to top it all off. He adjusted his tie in the mirror and gelled up his hair. He was looking like a million bucks. He threw on a light jacket and headed for the door. He looked out towards the patio deck that was facing the ocean. The sun had started to go down and the heat had also started to subside. _"A good night to see what I'm made of"_ he thought to himself. He walked out of the house and went to the car lot. Ollie was settling a small deal with one man as he saw Morris all dressed up. "Who are you and what have you done with my roommate?" he said. "I could say the same thing to you," Morris said looking for the cars that Boris was going to take. "What do you have planned tonight?" Ollie asked. "I'm going to do a job with Boris from Hotel Moscow tonight," Morris said. Ollie was taken back by what he said. "I said go out on the town and have fun not get yourself killed mate," Ollie said. "Look man, I need this and I think a job with them is something that will clear my head," Morris said. "Alright mate but seriously be careful. I said I'll run the business for a day not the rest of my life," Ollie said.

It was six o'clock when Boris arrived. In the back of the car was Ms. Balalaika. Morris approached Boris as he got out of the car. "Good Evening Boris, have you come to pick up the cars?" Morris asked. "Sorry Morris but it looks like we won't need the cars tonight. Captain's clients canceled their meet and greet so but Captain said you can keep the money," Boris said as he walked back to the car. Morris's night out looked like it was going to be ruined but something came over him. Whether it was courage or plain stupidity he spoke up. "I'll take Ms. Balalaika out Boris" Morris voice squeaked when he said that. Morris was surprised that he would even consider doing this. The last time he asked out a woman was back in high school and that was 10 years ago. "Did I hear you correctly Morris?" Boris said chuckling a bit. "You want to take out Captain?" Boris said trying to confirm what Morris said. Morris looked over to see Ollie but Ollie had his head in his hand trying to pretend he didn't see him making a fool out of himself. Morris spoke up again "I want to take Ms. Balalaika out for the night," Boris looked and Morris and cracked a smile and told him to wait there. He got into the car and turned around to Balalaika and told her what Morris wanted. Morris could just imagine them two just laughing hysterically at what he wanted. Morris felt like a complete idiot for even asking. He started to get extremely hot and his stomach was turning itself into knots. Boris got back out of the car and told Morris to go to Balalaika's side window. Morris approached Balalaika's window. He started to regret even taking the day off. He started to feel as if he couldn't breathe. His pace started to get scared, his pace became slower as he walked to her window. The window lowered and Morris could see Balalaika sitting there swirling a glass of what looked like scotch on the rocks. A perfume could be smelt from inside the car. He wasn't quite sure what it smelled like but he guessed that it was lavender. Balalaika was wearing her large trench coat over her shoulders and a nice pant suit. "Tell me what you said Morris" she said. Morris spoke but it came out all wrong "Take you out I want to do," he said. He realized what he said and tried to fix what he said but he couldn't. "Get in Morris," She said as she opened the other side door. Morris's mouth hung open and so did everyone else's. He realized now that he was making her wait and the last thing any man would do is make a woman who could kill any top mercenary in a heart beat wait. Morris got into the car as did Boris. They drove off down the road into downtown Roanapur.

Morris kept quiet for most of the ride downtown. Balalaika sat back and continued to drink as Boris kept driving. Morris was in over his head. It was like he was in quicksand. The more he resisted the quicker he sank. The silence in the car was nerve racking, he had to break the silence before it ate him alive. "So Ms. Balalaika when was the last time you had a date?" Morris asked. She looked at him in the corner of the eye and looked back at her drink and just stared into the cup. Morris started to think that he offended her in someway. He wanted to toss himself out the car and hope that the cars behind them would kill him quickly. "It's been _awhile_," Balalaika finally said. Morris started to relax a bit because for some reason with that answer she gave him he felt like he knew what she was talking about. "Time passes by so quickly Ms. Balalaika. You get swept up in work and soon it's been years and you realize that all you ever do is work," Morris said as he looked out the window into Roanapur's gleaming lights. "Can you believe that Ollie had to convince me to take the night off? I was going to continue to work if he didn't say anything," Morris said. "I wanted to go back to the hotel but Boris insisted that'd I'd stay out because he says that he hardly ever sees me smile anymore. So in a way he kind of convinced me to stay out as well," Balalaika said as she finished her drink. It was at that moment Morris and Balalaika actually made eye contact with each other. It wasn't weird nor was it awkward, just felt normal.

The car came to a stop. Boris got out as well as Morris. Boris went to open Balalaika's door but Morris beat him to the punch and got the door for her. She stepped out slowly. Morris's eyes fixated on her legs then they moved up to her chest then her face. The scar on her face gave her personality but it did scare him just a bit. "Such a gentleman," Balalaika said with a smile. Morris couldn't find any words to say so he just looked down. Boris gave him a friendly nudge in the back, like a good job. The three were at a restaurant; it was the only high class restaurant in Roanapur. The hostess sat them at a reserved table just for them. Morris and Balalaika sat down at the both while Boris sat down in the booth next to them. "This is some restaurant Ms. Balalaika. I can't believe they even have a table reserved for you" Morris said examining the fine silverware. "Well they should, I own this restaurant," Balalaika said handing the server the menu back to him. "I've already order for the three of us. The food was prepared in advance because like I said I was supposed to be entertaining some clients," she said placing the napkin on her lap. Several servers approached the table with carts and platters of food. The food was five star and phenomenal; Chicken Kiev with braised reindeer stew and for dessert they ate tiramisu. The two talked over dinner about work and things they had in common which were surprisingly a lot. The only difference between them was the jobs they did. They finished up talking and got left the restaurant. Boris suggested a night club to work off the food. Balalaika didn't mind, it had been ages that she even stepped foot into a night club. They went to a night club that was packed. Once again Balalaika had a booth waiting for her. The music was pumping and the lights were blinding. Balalaika excused herself as she went to the bathroom. Boris and Morris sat in the booth just looking around as if this was a regular night out. "You know Morris I can't believe I'm seeing this," Boris said. "What?" Morris asked. "Balalaika's having a good time, I mean you may not be able to see but I do. It's something I haven't seen in a long time. I can imagine if the clients showed up she wouldn't have such a great time doing that," Boris said as he took a drink. "You think I should as her to dance?" Morris asked. Boris didn't say anything. "Well?" Morris asked. He then heard a voice behind him. "You should," the voice said. Morris turned around and saw Balalaika standing there smiling. He had never seen her smile at all while he was living in Roanapur and it was a sight to see. The two headed to the dance floor and danced for awhile. Boris and pretty much everyone in the night club was astonished at what they saw. It was as if they were witnessing a miracle taking place or Jesus had just walked in.

The night drew to a close and Boris sat in the car while Morris opened Balalaika's door. They were back at Hotel Moscow. "It's only proper for me to see you to your door," Morris said. "Yes you should," Balalaika said concurring with him. They walked into the lobby and Balalaika's men were standing around everywhere trying not to stare at the unbelievable sight. Balalaika was still smiling as she and Morris went up the elevator together. Morris got to her door and they stood there in silence. Balalaika opened her door and walked on in. Morris had to do something so like a gentleman he said "Have a nice night Ms. Balalaika". She turned around and grabbed his shirt and yanked him into her room. Throughout the night there were moans and groans of ecstasy. Morris couldn't believe what happened. After all was said and done Morris sat up in bed while Balalaika had a smoke. It was a long time that has ever happened for the both of them and probably it will be the last time. Morris threw on his clothes and headed for the door. Balalaika was sitting in her leather chair behind her large oak desk that faced the front door. "Boris will see to it that you get home," Balalaika said as she lit up a cigarette that she held between her lips. Morris nodded and opened the door and walked down the hallway towards the elevator. The elevator dinged, the doors opened and Boris was standing there waiting for him. They walked to the car and they drove back to the car lot at the edge of town. "Boris, do I call back?" Morris asked. "That is something you have to figure out yourself," Boris said. The car came to a halt and Morris noticed they were there already. Morris got out and Boris flipped a U-turn and sped back to Hotel Moscow. Morris walked through the car lot not noticing the 'creep' was back with all it's windows down and its doors open. Shenhua's Mercedes was there as well but it was missing three tires with the hood was blown off. Morris walked into the house and saw Ollie passed out on the couch with beer bottles around him. Morris tossed his coat on the rack and went to his room and fell asleep. As soon as he hit the cot the alarm went off. _"Another day in this shit hole,"_ he said to himself as he smacked the alarm clock off.


End file.
